It's Probably Over (and Probably for the Best)

L. seems to be following the same pattern S. did when she weaned. The past couple of nights, she resisted nursing just before bedtime. This morning she did not want to nurse, and then this evening she absolutely refused (screamed until I caved and gave her a bottle of soy milk).

I'm not ready for this part of my life to be over. Mr. W. and my mom have both been pro-weaning since the whole dairy allergy thing came up. In my head, I know that it is probably time to let go. My heart is just not ready for that uniquely special bonding ritual to be finished...forever.

L. is most likely our last child, and each of her milestones is bittersweet. I am happy she is growing and maturing. I am sad that each step takes us further and further away from our baby days.

If I am honest with myself, nursing is also a matter of ego. It is (was?) the one thing I can do for my child that no one else can or ever will be able to do for her. That's pretty heady stuff for a working mom who spends many days working and missing her children terribly.

So, if L. refuses to nurse tomorrow morning. That's it. The end. Finis. I almost hate to go to bed tonight because that brings me so much closer to judgment day.

M.W.

04/06 note: She refused to nurse again this morning, so I guess it really is over. Off to look at baby pictures and mourn the end of something very special.