Monday, January 28, 2008

Horrible, not horrible

Yesterday morning, it was time to get clothing on the girls and head on out the door for church. S., in typical form, stalled and stalled and stalled with getting her clothes on. I, in typical form, got louder and louder and louder with reminding her to get dressed.

When I finally reduced myself to making threats (no left over birthday cake for her!), S. looked at me with those big eyes and terrible frown, 'You're a horrible mama!'

Mr. W., who had done an admirable job staying out of it up to that point, yelled at S. to apologize. I told him not to worry about it. Every mother needs to hear her kids tell her she's horrible from time to time so she knows she's doing a good job.

S.' frown grew even deeper, and she marched up to me with her hands on her hips (and still no clothes on), 'Mama, you're NOT horrible.'

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Two Calls in Two Days

Yesterday I got a call from school. S. had fallen off the stairs to the blue circular slide and landed flat on her back. S. was pretty hysterical on the phone, so I rushed over to take a look. Bruised from her shoulder to her waist, but not terribly damaged. By the time I got there, she was feeling much better and coloring. It is unusual for her to overreact to accidents like that.

Today, I get a call from her teacher. S. has been a royal pain in the you-know-where all week. Disrespectful, defiant, uncooperative and just flat out obnoxious. In fact, today she thought it would be REALLY funny to turn the volume all the way up at the listening center where the kids all have headphones on. She still thought it was funny after Mrs. G. spoke to her about bullying. I guarantee she will not find it funny when she gets home tonight.

I would have to have a very strong willed child.

Maybe she's picking up on my stress with my doctor. Maybe she's a little worried about how having the baby will change her life. Maybe she's just not getting enough sleep at night. I don't know. Quite frankly, I don't know how to deal with her just now.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Dear Dr. Arrogant Jerk

Your attitude is precisely why I did NOT want to have to see an OB for this pregnancy. I'm still angry that I was forced to come to your clinic instead of staying with my family practice doctor. The latest fiasco with my leave paperwork adds confirmation to my concerns.

What part of 'I need 8 weeks recovery time' do you not understand? Seriously, I've done this twice before, and I've got a pretty good feel for what my body needs to recover. I don't really give a flying fig that the standard is 6 weeks. I need 8 weeks. Period. I have excellent reasons for my statement. Anything you won't sign me out for on medical leave, I will be forced to use vacation for. No, my employer won't let me take unpaid leave. Yes, I have asked. Yes, I know my job is protected, but COME ON I have 5 MONTHS worth of sick leave. I'm not asking you to falsify documents. I'm asking you to freaking BELIEVE ME JUST ONCE!

My family doctor had the decency to believe me when I told him I needed 8 weeks after L.'s birth. I came back to my high stress job ready to go when she was 8 weeks old. All was good, if tiring. Quite a different experience than my return after S.' birth at 6 weeks post partum. My professional reputation is STILL not fully recovered from that disaster. And I TOLD you that I had problems at 6 weeks post partum, but apparently that didn't register.

This brings up my big concern (and the reason I am still awake at 3 in the morning). How on earth can I trust you with my and my baby's health when you do not believe me when I try to tell you something this important? You blew me off when I tried to tell you my recovery from surgery was harder than you thought it should be (nearly 6 years ago). You blew me off when I told you my contractions are normal and not a sign of pre-term labor. You've totally ignored the fact that I am trying to have a natural labor and even offered me an early induction. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think anything I've told you during this pregnancy has actually 'stuck' in your brain.

I am sick of this. You have one doctor in your clinic who treated me like an unfeeling uterus when I was in labor with S. You have another doctor who treated me like I was a complete idiot during my non-stress test a few weeks ago. Quite frankly, I don't care if I never meet the other doctor in your practice. If she's anything like the three of you, then why bother. It would just mean having another stereotypical arrogant MD personality for me to stress about.

Here I am at the tail end of my pregnancy, and instead of getting as much rest as I can cram into these last few weeks, I'm up in the pre-dawn stewing. 'Hate' is a pretty strong word, but right now I have to confess I'm feeling that toward you and your attitude. Hopefully, it's the hormones and I will be able to let this go. However, I feel like you are threatening my and my baby's health right now, and this mama has a really hard time with that.

I guess I will try AGAIN to get you to understand. If not, I'm not sure what I will do. My insurance limits my choice of doctor, and you should know that is the ONLY reason I am seeing you. If I have my way, I will never walk in your door again once this baby is born. In fact, I plan to call my primary care physician to see if he can take over my postpartum care.