Friday, January 22, 2010

The Hope Suit

At the beginning of my pregnancy with S., I had bleeding issues. Lots of bleeding issues. Bleeding issues that led my doctor to give me a hug and tell me he was so sorry I had to go through this with my first pregnancy. He told me anything could happen, but that this pregnancy did not look healthy. I should be warned that it was likely I would miscarry.

I was a mess. I cried, I prayed, I begged God to let me keep this baby.

And I continued to bleed.

Blood tests came back with hormone levels rising normally.
Ultrasound came back with a little heartbeat fluttering away.

And I continued to bleed. In fact, the bleeding became heavier.

Mr. W. found me in the shower sobbing one morning when I had passed a clot. He hugged me and insisted that I was still pregnant.

That was the day I went shopping. I needed a talisman, a solid object I could look at and take comfort in. I drove to WalMart hoping to find the perfect stuffed animal or baby blanket. Instead, I found a white Winnie the Pooh sleeper with green trim around the cuffs and little pictures of Pooh, Tigger and Piglet all over. It was a size 6 to 9 months.

I can remember holding it tight and trying not to cry in the middle of the store. When I got home, I hung the sleeper up in the middle of my closet. Every morning when I got dressed, I would stroke the little suit and say a little prayer of hope.

The bleeding continued. It lasted 30 miserable, emotional, crazy days. But I was still pregnant, and on April 17, 2002, I gave birth to a squalling, healthy baby girl weighing 10 lbs 3 oz and measuring 22.5 inches long.

I do not credit the Hope Suit, as I've come to call it, with giving me a healthy baby. However, I did come to understand how much a physical object can come to mean to a person.

PS: All three of my daughters have worn the Hope Suit at some point in their lives.

1 comment:

mayberry said...

What a beautiful story! I love that all three sisters have worn the suit--even better.