Triple Threat - Or How the Pants Problem Has Hit the Wheezers

Before the advent of the 90s, I assumed there were only two ways to wear pants: clean or dirty. Now that I am much older and fashions have changed, alas, I have learned wearing pants has become an artform.

Take S. for example. She is 9 and is only comfortable in her pants if she is in danger of exposing her nether regions. When she was a toddler, 'pull up your pants' became a constant theme in our house. She is quite thin, so I can kind of wrap my head around why she might have trouble keeping her pants in her hip region.

Moving on to L. This child knows how to wear pants. Hers always sit right at hip height. Never do I see any part of her rear end while she is out in public. Ah, I am so proud.

Now we have A. She is three, and she insists on keeping her pants yanked up as far as they will go. The child has a constant wedgie, and I just can't understand it. Isn't it uncomfortable? It sure makes me wince.

With S. we worry about the top part of her bottom hanging out. With A., she yanks her shorts up so high, we worry about the bottom part of her, er, bottom hanging out.

I wonder if I can get L. to give her sisters instruction on how pants are supposed to be worn...

Unsolicited Text Spam

I'm fighting mad now. Somehow, my cell phone number (which has been on the do-not-call list for years) has become a target for text spam. After much hair pulling and digging around, I found where you, the consumer, can file a complaint online: https://esupport.fcc.gov/ccmsforms/form1088.action

So far, I've submitted one very long complaint as the spammer keeps changing the number appearing on caller id. The FCC provided a nice cover sheet so I can fax additional information as it becomes available (which I have used). As well, I received a letter through the mail detailing my complaint.

Here's hoping this government entity actually does what it is tasked to do. In the meantime, for those of you experiencing this violation of federal law (unsolicited texting), feel free to use the link above to file your own complaint.

Overheard...

L. has a best buddy, P., who she claims she will marry some day.

While walking along behind L. and P. (who were holding hands, awwwww), I overheard L. telling P. all about their future life together.

L.: When we grow up and get married, then your little brother will be my brother! For real!!!
P.: Can we count now?
L. & P.: 1, 2, 3, 4...

They pooped out on the counting right around 48.

P. is an adorable little boy, but I hope he and L. never date. I want to use him as a spy on the boys she does wind up dating some day...

Fun is when...

your 2 year old begins to quack like a duck...

loudly...

longly ...

in church ....

during service ...

while Communion is being served.

I could really use something caffeinated right now...

Latest checkup at the doc's office showed quite a spike in my blood pressure. It came down during the visit, but taking measurements at home show a bp flitting and flying up, down and all around.

Sooo, in the spirit of being proactive, and in the hopes of avoiding a heart attack any time soon, I am changing my diet. OUT goes the caffeine, DOWN goes the sodium, UP goes the potassium, veggies and fruits.

In a week and a half, I've managed to lose 5 pounds and find a caffeine headache. Ouch!

The headache is absolutely not helped by the fact I was rear-ended last week while stopped for a traffic light. BANG went the car, POP went my back, and CRACKLE went my neck. BLEEEEEEEEEPPPP went my mouth. I have multiple reasons for being grateful the kids were not in the car with me. Not the least of which is that they would have expanded their vocabulary quite a bit that day. I don't normally swear, but boy did I let loose after that fender bender.

And I never knew her name

I came across unexpected, and very sad news in the internet universe last week. A lady who frequently posted on a blog I regularly read passed away unexpectedly. She was 40.

It struck me that even though I never conversed with her (even on the blog), and she wouldn't have known of my existence, I feel her loss. Her postings were always lively, uplifting and forthright. She made a positive impact on dozens of people who she literally never met.

If you're the praying sort, say a little prayer for Gayle Broadbent-Ferris' family. They must miss her sorely.

If you have children, kiss a frog, wear a tiara and cut out some paper dolls together with your kids.

Her obituary: http://www.funeralalternatives.org/Obit_Results.asp?ObitKey=1642

Becauthe the talkth like thith...

After 2.5 years hemming and hawing and trying to figure out therapy and schedules, we finally started L. on speech therapy. Her first session was today, and she skipped merrily off with her therapist. Literally. It completely cracked up the entire waiting room as she flipped her ponytail back and forth.

They have begun work on the letter 's' which I cannot recall having ever heard L. pronounce properly. This includes the times she and I have stood in front of the bathroom mirror practicing. The little mite just can't seem to keep her tongue back on the right side of her teeth.

She came skipping back to me after her session, pretty pleased with herself. The dark cloud fell when I told her she had to go back to school so I could go to work. When she threatened to run away from me, I informed her that threatening to run off was not okay at all. My response made her start to cry... Mommy guilt is in huge overdrive today.

Ah, well, I am taking vacation two days next week and plan to spend one of them with the L.-bug. Maybe spending the day together will ease the guilt a trifle.

Meanwhile, Mr. W. and I will have to sort out schedules for taking L. to her 10:30 appointment twice a week. It is inconvenient timing, but I am grateful that she is going to a very reputable clinic that is part of the local university. I am also grateful that the cost for a semester of one hour/week therapy time is costing us a grand total of $50.

Red Letter Day

Miss A., after weeks of struggling, has managed to put her shoes on. The velcro is undone and the shoes are on the wrong feet, but she did it all by her little lonesome.

Of course, I had taken her shoes OFF in order to get her ready to take a nap... This one has a defiant streak a mile wide.

Ham soup for breakfast

It's Saturday morning in the Wheezer household. S. played a basketball game this morning. We signed L. up for tee-ball, and A. has gone happily about her way.

I missed breakfast thanks to being blessedly slow to get ready this morning. Now that the younger two girls and I are back home, I decided to get some breakfast. Mr. W. made some really delicious ham soup earlier this week, and it really hit the spot.

While I have been eating L. and A. have been amusing themselves with Liza, the cat. Both the girls and the cat seem to be enjoying themselves, and the running commentary from L. has been hilarious.

L.: Liza tripped A. (complete with the singsong tattletale tone).
Mrs. W.: Liza makes everybody trip.
L.: What about Nadya? (our other cat)
Mrs. W.: Eliza makes Nadya run away.
L.: Why?
Mrs. W.: She is shy.
L.: Why?
Mrs. W.: Why do you ask so many questions? It's just in her nature.
L.: Why?

While playing with a feathery, jingly cat toy.

L.: Here, A. shake it like this and then throw it.
A. shakes and throws. Liza ignores the toy.
L. picks up the toy, shakes and throws again, this time beaning the cat. Liza runs off.
L.: Mom, why did Liza run away?

After I spotted L. tracking Liza with a big blanket.

Mrs. W.: Don't you put that blanket on the cat.
L. putting down the blanket dejectedly: Okay, I won't.

L.: Look! Liza let A. pet her!

L.: Mom! Can I pick up Liza? She touched me, but she didn't scratch me!

L.: Mama! Mama! She's giving her a bath. (As Liza attempts to groom herself despite the 'help' of two little girls.)

Liza is the world's most tolerant cat. Or at least, she is in the top 10. In the nearly 8 years she has been subjected to children, she has not scratched, bit, yowled or hissed at any of my kids. She has had ample provocation, too.